When I was a teenager I masturbated “creatively.” Once, in the apartment of a very old relative, I entered one of the smaller rooms, shoved a long wooden pole into my ass (I did not imagine it to be a penis, like a homo – I just liked the sensation of it), stood next to a window, and jerked off above some of the furniture in the room.

Then I looked up through the window, and saw this man drying his clothes outside his window – pretty sure he could see me clearly. Embarrassing!

But in retrospect, I feel bad about the fact that he probably didn’t film it. I mean, objectively speaking, a clip of a teenage weirdo with a pole in his ass jerking off “furiously,” that’s just freaking hilarious. Plus, many gays, and even a few women, could pleasure themselves to it – and that’s what I’m all about: making the world a more sexually pleasurable place.

The only actually sad thing here is that I did not have a girlfriend/wife back then, so I had to masturbate. But hey, I had some fun. Anyway, I’m glad about the way my life turned out.