If you’re new to this blog, you need to learn a new term: “Blue Knight.” Like the notorious White Knight, who sets forth to defend women from the realities of the world (they’re damsels in distress, after all), the Blue Knight is convinced that he must defend young people from sexuality – because young people having sex is the worst thing conceivable.

Many people have proposed all kinds of theories to explain why the Blue Knight feels that sexuality is something that “victimizes” young people, despite all the evidence to the contrary in the form of teenagers seeking out sex and, what’s more, being very passionate in bed. If you ever received a fellatio from a 14-year-old chick during summer vacation, surely you can remember the excitement and energy she exhibited while doing the sucking.

Except, the very thing about Blue Knights is that they cannot — as a matter of fact — remember it, and it’s not just because some of them simply haven’t been there. No, there is a more insidious thing going on: Blue Knights can’t remember the intensity of teenage blowjobs because they have a serious problem with their memory.

Whereas I remember what I did as a toddler, the Blue Knight seems to have repressed every meaningful (i.e. sexual) occurrence that occurred in his teens. It’s all erased from his mind, completely. Perhaps hypnosis can be performed on such individuals to revive their long-lost memories, but barring that, it can be said that these people have a “black cloud” darkening the whole period in a fog of ignorance. They don’t know what happened in their own lives.

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I remember this, being a toddler on the grass in the park. Meanwhile, Blue Knights don’t even remember their first blowjob – SAD!

I say, let’s call this type of amnesia – Alzheimer’s. Technically, it’s not that, but that disease does sound pretty ominous, and at its later stages it’s even deadly. So basically, it’s like Blue Knightism itself: ominous and deadly. The diagnosis fits.

Next time a Blue Knight tells you: “teenagers are literally not capable of consenting to any form or shape of sexual contact,” remind them of their illness; tell them specifically that they’ve got Alzheimer’s, and are very delusional because of it. It will offend them (Blue Knights deserve being offended), and will clarify that you’re not willing to ‘forget’ your first fellatio just because the person you’re arguing with has forgotten his first fellatio. By explicitly invoking Alzheimer’s disease, you make it clear: the amnesia within the discussion is one-sided, and it’s not your side that suffers from it.

It’s a winning diagnosis, for sure.